Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
