I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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