did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
