we're chasing vodka with high fives
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
third nipple confirmed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
