whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You smell like stripper and shame
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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