Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
