Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
