just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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