so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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