Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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