I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
