i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
