k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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