I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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