This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
