My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
