I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
