He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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