just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
