Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
