Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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