Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
