This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
