There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
