Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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