The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
