No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The beer is more important than you right now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
