I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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