apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
