well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
