ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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