i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize