I'm so fucking centered right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
