Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
