He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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