I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
