Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
