Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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