I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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