I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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