So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize