I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
