he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
