I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
