I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
