He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
