I wish my penis had an off switch
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
