hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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