do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
