I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
