Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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