mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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