yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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