Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
