Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
