i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize