Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
