after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
