My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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