I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
