we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
