you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So squirting runs in the family.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
