Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
