Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
