We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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