The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
