umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
