A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
