i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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