I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
