If that was your dad, he is hot
thus making me awesome and them whores
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
