it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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